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The only times I’ve ever received voicemails:

1. Mom telling me to “get [my] ass home right now

2. School telling me that my tuition payment is due in two days 


i hate when i lose things at school like my pencils and papers and life ambitions


Don’t know if food baby or pregnant

Food baby

It sucks how I can no longer use “My mom says I can’t go” as an excuse to not go out.

Don’t know if food baby or pregnant

Even if you don’t know me, I hereby give you permission to warn me when I’m walking around with my backpack open

*expects to get a hot body after working out for five minutes*



i don’t understand why some women think back scratches that result from rough sex are hot

that shit stings like hell

i’m literally fucking crying right now 

it feels like my wife released the flames of hell upon my back

jesus christ this isn’t pleasurable AT ALL

You go Vincent. Get it son.  


Online Dating.

I spontaneously joined an online dating site at 3 AM. 

Some of the guys are cool. Others.. not so much. 

Is it too much to ask for someone who isn’t an asshole or at least uses proper grammar?


No problem, Anon. I threw in a little Yamcha. 

I’m fucking hilarious. 

I’m stuck between aww-ing over Levi as Eren’s papa

and unf-ing over Levi as Eren’s slavemaster.

Either way, I’m down with the fanart/fanfiction. Keep ‘em coming. 

Please stop reading over my shoulder. 


It’s cold. Apparently, it gets a lot colder than this. I don’t think I can handle the East Coast.